Who's in control

Psychologists have identified two style of attribution that people use when positive or negative event occur.  These are called locus of control. Persons who assume an internal locus of control take credit or blame when events occur.  Those who ascribe the cause of the event outwardly show an external locus of control   These can occur with either positive or negative event. Assuming responsibility for negative events has been identified as one of the characteristics of people who become depressed. 

Adults who over-parent may be wresting control from their children when it would be more beneficial for the child to learn to self-regulate. This occurs when parents are overly anxious about the safety or competence of the child.   They mistakenly assume that they can protect or shelter the child while serving as a role model for the learning of appropriate behaviors. These “helicopter parents” hover over their children, helping with homework, choosing their friends, regulating their play, preventing failure at every turn, stifling creativity, continually trying to teach, structure, and control. The child, on the other hand, learns to mistrust his own judgment and to become excessively dependent upon others.  He learns an external locus of control which may ward off depression but produce avoidant patterns of behavior and an absence of initiative and independence.  The may quickly learn to resent the parent who stifles them.

Micromanagement of children leaves them fragile as they grow older and unable to handle challenges. They learn a degree of helplessness that ill prepares them for the competition a they will face as adults.  Children of previous generations did not have arranged "play dates."  They were not provided with videogames, cell phones, tutors, and extracurricular activities to shelter them from boredom.  Young men and women of the World War II era have been called members of the "greatest generation."  They weren't praised continuously for just showing up. A sawed off broomstick, a twenty-five cent rubber ball, a pair of roller skates or a hand-me-down bike served  to allow them to make their own fun. Schoolyards, parks, and playgrounds provided their social life.   Most teachers will agree that sometimes kids need to fail in order to learn. Positive reinforcement goes only so far. Children need to learn that the world doesn't end if they slip up once in a while.  Hovering parents need to be helped  to "back off."